Having a lot of money doesn’t actually have anything to do with being a success in life.
You become a true success in life when you wake the fork up.
Because after you wake up, you don’t have to apologize for things that weren’t your fault. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. You don’t have to give a damn what anybody thinks about you or what anybody says about you.
You go for what you want, and that’s what’s most important. You have no other worries. You’re happy.
That’s what being a success really is. And the money often follows after you get that stuff handled, too…
People who are worried what others think of them — even if they do happen to be rich and famous — are still controlled and manipulated. They are unhappy people. Miserable, in fact. They don’t enjoy life. They’re constantly tense and anxious. Because they’re not living by their own standards.
Do you know why that happens?
There’s only one reason:
They identified with some label.
They identified the “I” with their upbringing or their job or their label or what society thought of them…
Today we’re going to ignore the labels and connect with reality. Because if you can only ever get esteem from others, you’re always their slave. And you never get to do what YOU want to do.
There’s a book called Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. If you enjoy this post, I suggest you get yourself a copy and read it.
Here’s The Basic Premise:
At heart, we are Being. There’s nothing mysterious or mystical about Being. It’s just the perception of being in the body.
But our parents, teachers, priests, politicians, media — they all taught us how things “should” be and how we “should” act.
We grew a “mind.” In a word, we became “moralistic.” As a result, we went from living as Being to living in the head.
We lie to ourselves and to others to keep up a false image that fits the way we “SHOULD” be. We suffer. We inflict suffering. And…
We Kill Ourselves
As A Result.
The way out of this prison is simpler than you may think. It doesn’t involve anything you don’t know how to do. In fact, it’s deceptively simple… It was one of the first lessons you learned as a child, before everyone programmed and rewired your brain.
The way out of the prison is this:
Tell The Truth.
How do you tell the truth in a way that will totally change your life?
“No, actually I don’t want to do that TPS report, Mr. Boss. I believe it’s a totally useless task. But for now I have to keep my job, so I have no choice.”
Say it right to his face.
Not in a whiny or complaining way. But with the same matter-of-fact nonchalant tone anyone would use to tell the plain truth. As if you’re saying, “The sky is blue.”
Here’s another one:
“You know, I’m not really engaged in the story you’re telling me right now.”
“No, I don’t think that dress looks good on you one bit. In fact, I believe you should burn it with fire.”
“I really believe I’m better than the work you just asked me to do.”
The truth is, we ALL lie like hell. Even if it’s just withholding information because we’re micro-managing the thoughts and feelings we let out. In fact, that’s the deadliest form of lying — not telling someone what you really think, or how you really feel.
Does anybody know the REAL you? Not the fronts you put on for society — but what you really think and feel?
The fact that we cover all that up with lying is what keeps us locked up in the jail of our minds.
It wears us out.
It causes tremendous amounts of stress.
We’re repressing how we really feel. And when we keep that inside for too long, it can manifest itself in far worse ways down the road. Like being more complacent in life. Losing your edge — or your passion.
The only way out is telling the damn truth. Telling the truth enables you to heal psychologically and achieve freedom.
Telling The Truth Sets You
Free To Return To Being.
When we tell the truth, we become more alive, at peace, and creative… Telling the truth reveals that — underneath all the BS we thought separated us from other people — we are all actually Beings in common.
(Honesty also brings relationships back to life, too.)
Once you realize the power of this to its fullest extent, you will become painfully aware of what Brad Blanton calls “moralism” — and how it’s everywhere.
Moralism is in me, in you, in the people you live and work with, in Boris Johnson, in Vladimir Putin, and in Justin Bieber.
It’s in everyone.
It gives you a profound insight into…
A Mind-Virus We’ve Developed
Called Being “Nice.”
Nice, in this context, does not actually mean nice. It means "doormat programmed to please everyone but themselves.”
And that isn’t exactly a recipe for success in pretty much anything.
“Nice” people tend to pretend to be more “perfect” than they really are. If you’ve ever wondered how to cure the “nice” syndrome, if you don’t like small talk, if you get peeved by small things people do to you - telling the truth is the exact way out of it.
Tell the truth about your anger. Even if it’s for a silly reason.
We have this odd belief that the only way expressing anger toward something or someone is justified — is when we’re right about the thing we’re angry about.
But even if you ARE right about it, getting angry is still irrational. It’s irrational either way. That’s why it’s just better to let the anger out instead of bottle it up. Tell the truth about how you feel. Likely you’ll immediately feel better — because the anger will be resolved on the spot.
Why does telling the truth work so well to get you what you want in life?
I don’t know the exact reason, but here are my hunches:
Honesty challenges the status quo and breaks you out of the seeking-other-people’s-approval herd…
When you’re 100% radically honest, it’s literally impossible to betray yourself in favor of seeking approval or worrying what others think…
The more you tell the truth — even if it makes the situation feel uncomfortable — the more you’ll feel free, strong, fearless, a leader, authentic and…
But more often than not, you won’t make the situation feel uncomfortable. You’ll only think you will before you tell the truth. After you speak your truth, you may find it has the opposite effect:
It puts everyone at ease.
Everyone knows these ‘niceties’ are fake. Most people will breathe a sigh of relief when you tell the truth — and give them permission not to put up with them either.
If you’re chatting up a stranger at the bar, and you approached them because you want “something casual” for tonight?
Tell them the REAL reason you walked up to talk to them. Just say it. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. At least that way, the question “What does this person want from me?” Won’t come up. Because you just put it out in the open.
It makes you more trustable.
And if they’re not looking for the same thing, you’ll find out quickly instead of at the end of the night with an awkward goodbye and you wondering what you did wrong.
When you tell the truth, it sets the stage for other people to be more honest with you, too. Which means you make them feel more free, strong, fearless, authentic, and alive.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I know…
It’s easy to talk about it. It’s a whole lot harder to actually DO it. And you’re absolutely right — some people are so hell-bent on keeping everyone inside the programmed prison of approval-seeking (usually because they’re the ones benefiting from it by manipulating you) that they will meet your radical honesty with radical condemnation. They might even shame you!
But guess what?
That’s only in the short term.
Keep doing it.
The entire purpose is to get the people who condemn you for telling YOUR truth OUT OF YOUR LIFE. They don’t align with you. So that in the long term, you’ll be living a life of integrity… Of TRUTH. On your own terms. A life few people actually get to experience. But it’s the best life there is.
Brad Blanton suggests the following three action steps to actually PRACTICE being more honest. These will help you release your Being from the prison of your mind.
REVEAL THE FACTS
Any facts you’ve been withholding from someone, tell them about it.
For example, if you cheated on someone, reveal it to them. It might not even be as catastrophic an event as you think it will. In fact, 8 out of 10 times they were probably suspecting it anyway.
Brad Blanton even suggests if you’re in an intimate relationship, to sit down with your partner and take 3 hours each to tell them your life story — withholding nothing.
Everyone you’ve ever dated, or had a fling with, and their gender. Every rock-bottom you’ve ever hit. Everything that might not align with how your partner currently perceives you. Tell them ALL of it.
Revealing the facts — ALL facts — clears up the lies from your past. And it eliminates any false image of self you’ve been presenting to other people.
BE HONEST ABOUT CURRENT
FEELINGS AND FACTS
Admit how you feel when you feel it.
Speak your secret judgments of others out loud.
This reveals your shadow side to the world. Keeping the shadow inside, it persists and becomes a poison.
Releasing it out into the open — it dies, and keeps you clean. Like an internal bath.
EXPOSE THE FICTION
This is the practice of demythologizing yourself. Praise yourself openly, rather than manipulate praise from other people. Confess your putrid vanity. Admit you’re a liar. Admit you don’t know. And fend off the ego. Over and over and over again. This is all about fading egotism away. A battle that never ends.
About that last part, Brad Blanton says:
“At level three, you have to get over your new egotism about having made it to level three. Once you come off it two or three times and admit your pretentiousness, and you get to thinking you are pretty virtuous, you must then own up to the fact that owning up to the facts is not a virtue, just growth.” (Page 79, “Radical Honesty”)
As soon as you think you’re “sooooo great” for telling the truth — you’re back in the prison of the mind. It’s not about being “virtuous.” Or better than anyone. It’s about getting back to Being. And growing.
Eventually what you realize from telling the truth is this:
Who you actually are, is not who you have been pretending to be.
When you do this often enough, you go from telling the truth — to living the truth.
And when you’re living the truth, you’re finally free to go for what you actually want in life.
In fact, what seemed like a monumental life change before now feels practically effortless. Because you’re already doing and saying everything in alignment with YOU.