Photo by Joshua Earle
Here’s a question:
Why do some people seem to get what they want in life so much faster and easier than everyone else?
Maybe you’ve seen someone in business or sales who always seems to make more money with fewer connections, in far less time than everyone else. Or maybe you’ve seen someone else take control of their health who seem to make getting fit and exercising daily the easiest thing in the world, while to everyone else, getting off the couch feels like a constant uphill battle.
Or maybe someone else has YOUR dream relationship without even trying, while any relationship YOU get into is doomed to fail? Well, I don’t have ALL the answers, but a big piece of their secret lies at…
The Core Of How
They Experience Life
And we’re about to take a nose-dive right into it so YOU can do the same. See — most of us have an idea about where our FEELINGS come from. Feelings like happiness, sadness, anger, anything you’d deem a “feeling,” you have an idea of where it comes from.
We all do. If this sounds odd, bear with me. It will make sense in a moment. Because here’s what’s fascinating about this. If we have the experience in our life that our feelings come from OUTSIDE of us. If we trick ourselves into believing our feelings come from other peoples’ approval, or what other people do — how they behave, or from anything ‘outside’ ourselves at all.
In short, that means…
Here’s an example:
If we open up our bank statement and believe the number inside it is what controls our happiness or sadness. Or if we look at our current physique. Or whether or not we have a relationship. And if we believe those things are what determines our joy in life. These are all external events and circumstances, they exist OUTSIDE of ourselves.
And what’s weird about external circumstances is that the exact same thing can give two different people two totally different feelings. Don’t believe me?
Let’s say two different people look at their bank balance. And both bank balances say the exact same number:
The first person might look at that bank balance and feel overjoyed, but the second person might look at the same million-dollar bank balance and feel distraught beyond measure. Why?
Because last year, the second person had 10 million dollars in their bank account.
Here’s what I’m getting at: at least 90% of people don’t understand this. But our experiences and our feelings…
DO NOT Come
From External Things.
It’s like the weather: it can be a torrential downpour outside, and for a farmer who’s been through a drought — that’s a glorious day. A blessing from the heavens! But for a bride on her wedding day, that one rainy day could ruin her entire year. And the crux of the matter is neither of those situations have anything to do with the rain. It all has to do with our perception and our thoughts.
Your perceptions and your thoughts are responsible for your experiences and feelings in life more than almost ANYTHING else. Our default states are peace. Calmness. Happiness. Contentedness. But our experience - our feelings - come from our thoughts. And our thoughts mess it all up.
But the reality is, 100% of the time — even if we’re on our deathbed — we have the ability to be calm, content, and happy by removing the THOUGHTS getting in the way. And the truth is, a lot of people ARE calm, content, and happy on their deathbed — for that very reason. It’s the last moment of life, and they understand their thoughts are not as important as feeling content in their last moments. They let their thoughts go.
Because they’re JUST thoughts, and thoughts are never something to get stressed out about.
STOP Taking Thoughts
Our happiness doesn’t come from pleasing other people. It doesn’t come from approval, or from a bank balance, or from a relationship. And you don’t have to wait until you’re on your deathbed to realize ANY of this. In fact, the sooner you understand this, the sooner you can use it to your supreme advantage — to get what you want in life.
Because once you realize your internal state isn’t dependent on ANYTHING external, the external things you desire in life come MUCH faster and easier.
Strange how the world works like that, isn’t it?
So How Exactly Can You
Use This In REAL Life?
Let’s say you’re a salesperson. And you could really use some sales right now. And you have a HUGE network of potential clients to call, but you’re stuck with the thought that your sense of worth, your happiness, comes from other peoples’ approval. That makes you LESS likely to pick up the phone and make a call. Why?
Because you’ll tell yourself:
“If I don’t get this right, my happiness—my sense of self-worth—will get wrecked.”
And that’ll make you hesitate. It’ll make you filter everything you say over the phone. It’ll make you care TOO MUCH what the person on the other end of the phone says and thinks. And you won’t be focused on getting the sale. Instead, you’ll be focused on making sure the other person approves of you.
BUT — on the other hand. When you realize even if the person on the phone insults and berates you — even if they call your momma the worst names in the book, and then tell you to never, EVER call them back again — that your internal state can NEVER change, even if that happens?
That’s When You’re Free To
Work MAGIC In Life
That’s when you’re free to take EVERY action you need to — to get what you want RIGHT NOW. Not in two weeks, or two months, or two years. NOW.
When your internal state does not depend on what any person says to you, or how any one phone call turns out, you can pick up the phone and focus on getting what you WANT, instead of trying to avoid what you DON’T want because you think it controls how you feel.
And in the same way, when you realize French fries, chocolate cake, or pizza are NOT causing your happiness, but rather the happy feeling created by putting pizza in your mouth is created by your thoughts and perception — because you have THOUGHTS around how that pizza tastes and how it feels going down — that’s when you become free from it. And you no longer need to eat the pizza.
Yep, It’s That Simple.
When you can just throw the chocolate cake away—and never buy it again? Your power to get what you want NOW goes up. Because you realize:
Hey - I just have some thoughts around this. Sure, the feeling that I need this crappy food might have a tendency to come up, but that’s not really the pizza doing it!
It’s my thoughts.
Need to quit smoking? Believing that cigarettes themselves are responsible for how cigarettes make you feel is a sure way to make quitting smoking a constant struggle. But once you realize that…
You Don’t Have To Take
Your Thoughts Seriously…
You can choose not to worry about those racing thoughts of:
“How am I going to live my life without cigarettes? I’m always going to be stressed out when I have nothing to drag on…”
Don’t get me wrong — yes, the nicotine can absolutely cause chemical reactions in your brain. Nobody’s denying that. But why does one person judge cigarettes as absolutely wonderful — while another person can’t stand to be in the same room as a person who’s smoking them? Why do so many people cough and wheeze at the mere thought of a cigarette?
It’s because of how their brains process the cigarette.
In other words, the meaning they attach to the feeling of smoking, because what your brain makes of it is actually a complete illusion. In fact…
It’s ALL An Illusion.
Our natural reaction is actually to cough and choke when we inhale smoke. It’s your THOUGHTS that have made such a deadly thing seem so important to your life. And when you can free yourself from those thoughts, even momentarily, that’s when you get a glimpse of your TRUE power! That’s when your power is at its highest to get what it is you desire most in life.
But when we think external circumstances determine our thoughts and feelings (instead of the other way around), we’re trying to AVOID something, and our number one priority is NOT to get what we desire most in life. It’s to make sure we don’t make mistakes that might screw up our happiness.
If you feel that way, it’s completely understandable. It doesn’t mean you’re somehow screwed up or abnormal at all. We ALL do it. Nobody wants to screw up their own happiness! All you have to do is catch yourself when you feel that way…
Then Simply Realize:
If we’re in the mode of “whatever decision I make will either add to my happiness or take away from it…” Welcome to making the life you desire take a long, long time. But if we change that to:
That’s when you have the power to move mountains.
Remember: it’s not really about money. The block (in this example) is about needing approval from others. (It may be something different for you.) So tell yourself:
“I can see that other peoples’ approval doesn’t mean a thing to me”.
Because it DOESN’T. And once you truly feel that to be true — on a gut level — you’ll have more power to make sales happen. Likewise:
“I can see that putting chocolate cake in my mouth doesn’t actually mean anything.”
When you truly understand it’s just a thought — that it’s NOT the chocolate cake, but just what you’re telling yourself about the chocolate cake — you’ll have more power to stop eating it. Then? You can move to:
“I can see that what I thought was discomfort and pain from exercising… was just a thought I created that made me hate it.”
And when you get rid of that thought? There’s more power to transform your physique. Now — you can have more power in some areas and less in others. You might have all the above examples handled, but still think:
“If I don’t have a certain person in my life, I will never be happy.”
And that’s simply not the way it works. The minute you think it’s the other person that makes you happy, you’ll NEVER get the relationship you want. Your thoughts about the relationship are what give you an experience.
I’ll say it again:
Your Thoughts Are What
Give You The Experience.
If you’re angry at somebody, it’s not really what that person DID that made you angry. It’s your THOUGHTS about what the person did. And hey—maybe the person was even totally out of line. They should never have done what they did in a million years, and anyone would get behind you when they saw what happened.
But did it really cause your anger?
The truth is — you had thoughts about what the person did FIRST, and THAT caused your anger. This is not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about being able to let go and live the best life.
On the extreme end of this spectrum, we have people who go to prison because they believe external events caused their internal states. People will even commit murder because they believe someone else’s actions CAUSED them to feel a certain way. Those are the extreme cases in society. For most of us, we know intellectually that outside stuff doesn’t directly affect our emotions. We just don’t always know it enough in our hearts. We don’t…
Feel It To Be True
In The Moment.
We don’t know it in a deeper sense—where we embody it as a truth. But that embodiment—that feeling—is exactly where the gold comes from. And please remember:
Nobody is always exactly on point with this 100% of the time.
We all struggle with it to an extent, but some people get results a LOT faster than others because of it. Not taking your thoughts too seriously is at the very root of all persistence, determination, and courage to get what you want in life, all the most wonderful human qualities that make up achievement. It’s a constant practice. And sometimes we fall off the wagon. That’s okay.
Keep going. As Michael Singer says in the book The Unteathered Soul:
“You will never be okay until you’re okay with everything.”
Keep practicing this—and you might just shock yourself at what you can accomplish.