One of the golden secrets to making any “success advice” work for you in business, personal development, or any other area of life is doing it with confidence. And of course, we all know that. But I’d like to be clear about what I mean here:
This is NOT just looking like you’re confident so you “project” it to the outside world. I’m talking about real confidence — which is coursing through your veins whether anyone’s there watching you or not.
People often tell me things like:
“I just don’t have any confidence. I’m not a confident person.”
But they are mistaken. Confidence is not some “intrinsic quality” you either have or don’t…
It’s a state of being.
And all of us experience a range of those.
Maybe you’re more confident in one area of life than another. Most of us are. If you’re good at something you’ve been doing for a while, you’re probably feeling confident when you do it… But the problem comes when we need to have confidence in a situation where we can’t conjure any up.
If we’re trying something new. If we’re asking someone out. If we’re going outside our comfort zone — which NEEDS to happen to make your life better.
Well, no more. You CAN conjure up confidence on command. The way you do it is just a little counter-intuitive… And when you can feel naturally confident wherever you go, it makes you thousands of times more effective at anything you’re doing — whether that’s sales, dating, or even beating the house at blackjack.
Keep reading to discover how you can make confidence your natural state, always.
So what is confidence?
Here’s how I define it:
Confidence is when you give yourself permission
to be the person you are meant to be.
When you’re confident, you have that feeling of being complete. Of being “on.” Of positivity. Steadiness. Sort of a “naturalness” where everything going on seems to click…
Where you are the source of good emotions in the environment. Which you are gladly bringing to other people because your cup runneth over with it. It’s a feeling of abundance where nothing can go wrong. The world is yours.
Your jokes “hit”. You can say anything and you’re ‘on point’.
When you’re NOT confident, it’s all the flip sides of those: You feel incomplete. “Off rhythm” and ill-timed. Negative. Weighed down. Anxious.
When you feel a lack of confidence, it’s like other people and your environment are a source of good emotions to fill YOU up — rather than the source coming from inside of you.
To Confidence Is WORDS.
Brian Tracy used to say the words we tell ourselves decide how we feel through the day. And how we feel determines whether our state is confident or not. This is the basic building block of confidence. It really is that simple.
The reason people have trouble gaining confidence is the same reason people have trouble losing weight. If you say to yourself “I’m fat” then you’ve just attached fatness to YOU. You’ve taken on the identity of being a fat person.
And if you’ve taken it on as your identity, it’s going to be hard to change. Because your identity is who you are.
But if you say “I am BEING fat right now,” or “I am engaging in fat behaviors” or “I am not eating like a healthy person right now”… then that opens up the space and the power to change it. Because you’re setting up your words in a way where you believe you can.
Our words can either work for us or against us.
From now on, treat confidence as simply an emotional state you can conjure up whenever you want. Start by knowing at least that it’s possible. And never tell yourself you need “more” confidence. You’ve already got what you need. It’s already in there inside you. You just need to turn it on.
When we’re getting up in the morning, going through our day, all the way to night time, all we do is talk to ourselves. We bicker back and forth in our brains. This is what thinking is. And the words you use to think are very important. So when you talk to yourself, are you talking to yourself with love?
Are you saying good things about yourself?
Or are you grumbling and mumbling in your head?
“Why’d I make that stupid move today?”
“I’m so dumb to have forgotten that…”
“I need to get out of bed, I’m so lazy…”
If your thoughts — or how you talk to yourself — were something someone else said to you instead of you saying it to yourself, would you want to give that person a black eye for saying it?
You probably would.
Because none of us like it when someone says something insulting to us. But we say insulting things to ourselves all the time… things we would NEVER accept directed at us from another person.
When you talk in positive terms, or self-confident terms…
What You Become.
You can’t just speak to yourself positively once and give up… This is a continual long-term process. It’s like a muscle. And it’s worth building.
It can get very easy to get trapped into speaking negatively about yourself. And more important than the words themselves — is the tone of voice in which you say it to yourself. And you have complete control over all of that. You get to determine the voice and what the words are.
Start telling yourself things like:
“I’m awesome.” Right when you wake up.
“My day’s about to get a lot better because I’m going to do the things I want to.”
“My life is getting more and more amazing each and every day.” (Even say this if it’s not. Especially if it’s not).
Speak to yourself like this when you wake up. In the shower. And throughout your day. Over time, it will stick.
Now that was the very basic-level of becoming a confident person. But now, let’s go over…
A Few ‘Tools’ To Turn On
How do you begin to feel certain of success even when your knowledge suggests you should expect to fail?
Even if you’re extremely skilled and talented… a lack of self-confidence can prevent you from performing at your best in “pressure” situations.
For example — if you work in sales (which, all of us do to some extent), it’s one thing to read a book and learn to understand some new sales techniques… But it’s a very different challenge to actually go out and apply those techniques when face-to-face with someone.
The major limiting factor isn’t often a lack of knowledge or practice. It’s the limiting belief that you can’t expect to perform well the first few times — which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For example, public speaking is the #1 most widespread fear on the planet. Many people have the knowledge and skill to write a speech. And there’s probably an audience that would enjoy it. When practiced in private, they may even do a decent job at presenting the speech. But put them in front of an audience — or even just suggest the idea — and they quickly become overwhelmed with doubt and worry.
This happens in 95% of people almost like clockwork. But…
There’s Only ONE
Exception To This Rule:
Have you ever seen stage hypnosis? If you really want to understand how powerful the mind can be, go on YouTube and check out some stage hypnosis videos. They’re wild.
If you take those same people who fear for their lives and over-prepare for a performance like the apocalypse was coming, but then get a hypnotist to put them into a trance, they’ll get up on stage and perform wonderfully with no fear at all.
Even with no rehearsal or prepared material.
Being under hypnosis doesn’t magically bestow any new skills. But it CAN put you into a state where you have…
Full & Unrestricted Access To
Your BEST Internal Resources.
What new endeavors might you be able to take on if you were hypnotized to believe — with absolute certainty — that you will succeed at them?
You may currently believe that confidence is the result of a history of success.
That’s only partially true.
While a history of success can certainly increase your confidence, you don’t actually need that history to feel confident to begin with. Confidence is a feeling of certainty. A natural inner resource that can be summoned whenever you want it.
And the key to all of it lies in this quote from Albert Einstein:
“Imagination is more powerful than knowledge”.
That quote is even more powerful coming from one of the most knowledgeable guys who ever lived.
Even when your knowledge tells you to expect failure, you have the ability to consciously direct your imagination to override that impulse — and feel certain of success anyway.
Most people let their imaginations run on autopilot. Which is a shame. It’s one of the greatest success tools in the world. As a result, they sometimes see themselves succeeding but they also worry about failure at the same time.
This is like trying to drive a car by pushing the accelerator and the brake at the same time.
To feel confident you must focus your mind to see only ONE outcome. The one of you performing at your best.
If you catch yourself worrying (aka mentally rehearsing failure), you need to immediately take your foot off the brake — and focus on the accelerator.
No matter how many times you catch yourself worrying or contemplating failure, just keep refocusing your mind on the image of success.
But Doesn’t That Cause
Sure, maybe. Sometimes.
But you can easily avoid overconfidence altogether by simply using common sense while doing this. They’re not mutually exclusive. And don’t get lost in the process so much that you lose sight of what’s real.
If you feel confident that you will perform well on a big new project and use this as an excuse to under-prepare… that’s a mistaken application of confidence.
But there are times when you’ve done all you can to prepare, and now you need to get yourself into the most emotionally resourceful state possible. That’s where getting yourself into a state of confidence can…
Propel Your Results
Into The Stratosphere.
Whenever you have to perform under pressure is a good time to put yourself into a state of confidence: A speech, a sales call, an audition, an interview, an exam, and stuff like that. Use your imagination, and focus deeply on performing the actions that bring you success. And eliminate all worrying and future thoughts to the contrary.
That’s essentially what hypnosis is anyway.
So on one hand, be careful not to over-rely on confidence to save you by using it as an excuse to procrastinate on preparation. But on the other hand, it’s amazing just how far confidence alone can get you.
People have made millions (maybe even billions) of dollars using the sole skill of being stupidly confident wherever they go and with whoever they speak to.
Confidence alone can attract money. It's a bad idea to rely on it all by itself, but if anything is a sign that confidence is in short supply, it’s that. Because money flows most to things that are rare.
When I was going through college, I often didn’t set aside much time to prepare for exams as I would have liked. But I was very good at putting myself into a state of certainty of success right before the exam, regardless of how well-prepared I felt about the knowledge.
And this state of confidence was often enough to allow me to perform well, even when I had barely studied.
I expected to do well (via my imagination, not my knowledge), and my subconscious mind found a way to fulfill that vision.
Often this came in the form of creative solutions.
For example, there was one math test where I didn’t remember the formula to solve a particular problem. But because I put myself in a state of confidence, my subconscious mind would find an alternative way to solve the problem using what I did know.
And because I was in a state of total certainty of success, I had…
The Fullest Possible Access To
All My Mental Resources.
That included the ability to solve problems in ways I wasn’t consciously aware of.
Confidence is not a remedy to all difficulties. But it can make anything you’re doing to solve all difficulties work a thousand times better. Being able to make yourself feel certainty of success can give you a massive edge in virtually any endeavor.
Confidence is often the deciding factor in making a sale.
In closing a deal.
In acing a test.
Or nailing an audition.
Or getting a hot date.
Or being hired or promoted.
Or making the team.
It’s literally endless.
And a lack of confidence can put you into a decrepit state where even though you have the intellectual resources to succeed… you don’t even make the attempt.
You never ask for the sale, the raise, the date, and so on.
Sometimes just summoning that confidence to ask is all it takes to achieve a successful result.
What more could you accomplish if you added the tool of confidence to your arsenal of skills, consciously directing your imagination AWAY from visualizing negative outcomes — and 100% ON creating a feeling of certainty of success?
When you can do that — the world is your oyster.
So remember this:
When Someone Cuts
You Off While Driving…
…you don’t have to get pissed off about it. It’s a choice.
The more you can move through the world without letting these tiny blips affect your state, the more confident you will become.
Because remember — confidence is a state in itself.
That includes approval from other people, too…
Of course, you need oxygen to live and function in the world. But you do not need anyone’s approval. If you tell yourself (through the words in your thoughts) that you NEED approval — then when you don’t have it, you will feel like you can’t function.
This is one of the biggest killers of confidence. This puts your confidence in the hands of people who can turn it up or turn it down at will.
If you put something on social media and it gets bad reactions, does it affect you emotionally? Then you’re relying on the approval of other people in order to feel good. People’s emotions are fickle. There’s going to be all kinds of reactions you can’t control.
Now it’s great to want approval. But you never NEED it from anyone. When you don’t have it, it doesn’t affect you.
If somebody is able to control your state and mess with it based on their own approval, what you’re essentially saying in that moment is:
“My opinion of myself is less important than the opinions of other people around me.”
Do you — at the core — believe that’s true?
The answer is of course not. Keep this in mind.
You feel happy and confident in your life to the degree to which you feel control over it.
And when approval and confidence comes from YOURSELF — because your opinion is the only one that matters — you have control over your destiny.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.